what is ayahuasca? when plant medicine calls you
issue 95 ♡ aya is a spiritual entity of earth who shows herself in the dreamscape that is created when you drink her brew from the vine
what is ayahuasca, anyways?
how do you know if aya is calling?
can plant medicine help with grief?
dearest readers,
this week we tune into the spirit of ayahuasca. i had downloaded notes about aya awhile ago but wasn’t sure where it fit, until last week when the conversation around it surfaced once more. in part I i share notes from my higher self on what aya is from a channeled perspective. in part II i take you through my first ayahuasca journey seven years ago.
kindly note any reference to god or the heavens can be replaced with vernacular or venerable that sits comfortably with you.
part I.
grandmother aya is a spiritual entity of earth. she shows herself in the dreamscape that is created when you drink her brew, from the vine. it/they/she is an ancient entity or spirit of earth and here to guide us dear earthlings to safe passage— not so much by means of rescue and escaping dangerous scenarios like scenes seen in films but an internal journey deep within, to help unlock all the treasures we all house within our internal bodies and deep inside our celestial and ancestral selves.
aya can go far, far wide and so so deep into the beginnings of our days and incarnations here on earth. when the potion is taken, the medicina enters into a way of taking over certain parts of your brain, which is usually dormant. it activates, cultivates and creates scenarios for you to see a higher perspective or a third or fourth or even fifth dimensional experience.
aya is a blessing from the gods of earth realm who sough to create an elixir and spirit that would act as a direct conduit to spirit and the higher realms. aya acts as a portal in the 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th dimensions and will ‘take’ you on a heavenly or hellish ride— depending on where you intitially asked to go— prior to your incarnation.
your meeting with the brew is one that is planned meticulously prior to your most recent human form. you may have taken it before and it has a familiar taste and smell and extraction that feels like home to you. however for most humans, the brew is ‘new’ to their systems and will cause major upheavals in the way of purging.
the act of purging or the purge is the intense urge to vomit your guts and former soul system out of your bodies. the purge is like a re-birth or renewal, whereby you start fresh and clear (physically, literally, spiritually) purged not so much of so-called sins but of former traits or trait(ors) or torments or ticks that no longer serve you.
you will be shown scenes from your vida or of others that relate back to you and your soul journey. you will be shown what you wanted to be shown prior to incarnation— the veil is lifted, so you can truly see from a higher, truer perspective that will serve your soul evo-lution and soul journey. you will be shown all the fruit and its flavour, while also the mess and decay. you will be shown a fuller, rounder perspective and if you are not shown, you will feel it deeply.
depending on your clair-senses and how they are developed, you may experience great clairsentience, clairaudience, clairvoyance, claircognizance— the deeper senses that come from your higher chakras opening from the heart up to your throat to third eye and crown.
your experience with aya will always depend on where you are, in this moment of time and the work you must endure and exit and excavate from your soul system. the deep diving will almost certainly lend results in terms of realisation, actualisation, revelation and ridiculous amounts of knowing that you are loved and cherished as a soul incarnate on planet earth.
aya will find you or you will find aya. much like star crossed lovers, you are bonded for life, as the medicine never leaves (leafs) you. it is truly wondrous and wacky ride to partake the aya ride and your life/vida will never truly be the same ever, ever again.
ayathuasca mamacita abuelita. muchos gracious por todal. mucho amor.
part II.
seven years ago, i found myself in the deep redwood forests of northern california on route to a ayahuasca ceremony. some days before i had received a call from a dude named leaf or cedar (or something woody in nature). he was the gatekeeper who interviewed me to see if i was fit for the ceremony.
i shared with him how my firstborn daughter has passed away the year prior. i told him that i wanted to tune into my grief and access a greater understanding as to why i would chose this soul lesson with her. i passed the ‘test’ and was told there was a seat for me in next aya circle the following week, to dress in white and to stick to the pre-ceremony diet.
my best mate picked me up from san francisco airport and we headed towards the mystical forests known for the oldest, deepest gold mines in california and where chinese migrants had long toiled and built the transcontinental railroad. upon arrival we changed into our all-white attire. i opted for a long, loose cotton embroidered dress designed by my mate of kinga csilla and layered it with a white sweatshirt, oatmeal socks and birks.
we carried our blankets and pillows inside, greeted the ceremonial crew and found our spots within the circle of twelve. it was recommended to bring anything with you into the circle that is of significance to you— be it a photo, a drawing, feather, rock or crystal that resonates with you. i had packed a picture of kawa my firstborn angel, a tiny kuan yin statue and a heart shaped crystal that i found with kawa—who was obsessed with love hearts.
we sat down for ceremony and everyone was asked to set their intention as we passed a ceremonial stick around. the room was darkened with a faint flicker of candle light where the healers/ceremonial hosts sat at the head of the circle. my best mate and i sat directly opposite them. a purging bucket sat to my left side to which we were instructed to use, if there was the urge to purge (vomit).
one by one, we were asked to go up to receive the medicine. i crawled over pillows and blankets to the healer and bowed to thank her for the cup. i crawled back to my spot and brought the brew to my lips. as i consumed my first sip, it tasted surprisingly familiar like the chinese herbal soup that my mum would bellow at us to drink as kids. it tasted like earth, like dirt, like roots of a tree. i liked it. it tasted like i had drunk it before— evoking memories in my system of lifetimes before.
i sat in meditation pose as the medicine gently moved through me but nothing overwhelming. after what felt like an hour, the healer spoke up quietly— if anyone would like a bit more, please come up with your cup. i scrambled over my blankets and received a smaller cup to drink. soon i was swept into a vision of my best friends dad who had passed away a couple months prior to kawa.
kindly note: anytime i write “they told me” or “they said” — what i really mean is through the means of telepathy and the higher clair system i was able to know/hear/sense all information transmitted to me with nothing said aloud.
he appears in my “screen” like a face-time call up in the top left hand corner, not taking up all the space so i could see what he wanted me to see but always there omnipresent. the first thing he tells me— is that he was there for my daughter kawa’s paddle out ceremony. it was his first orchestration from heaven with kawa angel by his side. he organised the men, how they had shown up to show their respect and love, how they had all lined up on the beach with whatever board they could find and how he had moved us all out seamlessly, effortlessly, quietly into the water as a flock and paddling into circles like brothers in arms.
he tells me he had organised the little dip in the outer circle that created the love heart shape for kawa. he asked the whale to breach in the background. he made sure everyone was safe and held and the event was carried out in an unbelievably smooth, perfunctory manner— as he had been in the US airforce prior to his passing and meticulousness and managing men were his strong points.
from there, he allows me the experience of tuning into a past life. he takes me into what looked like a scene from a world war where he had been apart of the flying forces dropping bombs upon thousands of civilians and destroying cities. we then transgress into his most current life with the karma from that previous life flowing onto this lifetime again, serving again as a soldier, as a fighter pilot. this time, as a navigator who was shot down in the vietnam war and held as a POW for a year before being rescued.
it is in those moments— my heart begins to feel like it was bleeding from the pain and the suffering he endured during his capture. my heart feels like it is being pulverised. the pain is the same pain of suffering at its highest resonance. i know this pain— it is the same as i have suffered in the grief of losing kawa. he and grandmother aya are allowing me the experience of his suffering— which is the same as my own.
we move into the next scene where i am holding a baby in my arms and tears are streaming down my face and onto her darling face. i took down at the baby— and it’s my best friend. i am given the experience of being her dad holding his darling baby girl for the first time. i reach over to grab her adult hand next to me, while i sit in the exquisite experience of holding her baby self— and my heart, her dads heart are bursting with love— the experience of a love so grand, so wonderful and unfathomable after the darkness and density of suffering.
this is the true nature of the yin yang sign— they tell me. my mates dad nods in his corner. in the darkness there is a little spot of lightness and in the darkness there is always a spot of light. we are here on earth to endure the darkness and lightness of being— that we must suffer, we must grieve and we must endure in order to understand what love and lightness truly is.
WE ARE HERE TO SUFFER AND DIE— they spell out across the screen. it’s your job, apart of your service, apart of your soul journey to let everyone know— they add. so my job, i clarify incredulously— is to let every-one know that we must all suffer and die? yes— they answer telepathically, emphatically.
i am then shown another lifeline of another friend. i am shown their past life experience and the suffering endured. i move into their current life situation and feel the ache of their suffering and how the lives are karmically, irrevocably linked. several of these episodes play out and each time i feel their deep suffering from life to life. i’m getting the picture— we are all here to suffer and die.
they take me back to my own lifelines. i am shown through sequences, like a film reel playing through my screen how many lives kawa and i have lived together. we have been twin sisters. we have been partners, friends, husband and wife. we chose to incarnate in the same timelines many times over and would continue to do so. our lives were inexplicably linked through multiple incarnations, learning soul lessons and our time serving as pure souls in heaven/between lives.
they tell me, kawa chose to incarnate as my daughter in this lifetime, younger in earth years however more evolved in soul development years. she chose to be apart of the lesson of grief— which i did not learn or failed in the last one with her. in this lifetime, i would learn to endure suffering and to accept the gifts it can garner. they said— the gift of channeling, of receiving, of tuning into spirit has always there. however, grief obliterated the thin veil and i was able to receive notes of higher wisdom as penance for my service. i was not imagining things. i was not crazy. i would recall everything i needed to in the moment.
then they showed me kawa. i had a knowing i would see her that night but it wasn’t in the physical form in which i knew her as my daughter. they showed her as a pure soul from source. she was a prism. she was a rainbow of light stretching far and wide across the screen. she was a rainbow child—they said— a representation of all the humans on this earth.
grandmother aya explained— as we all know, rainbows are perfect and beautiful but fleeting and never last. they’re not meant to be here for long. when the rainbow dissipates, the rain will come, which makes the rose grow. then the sunrays will come and light up your world.
rich blue and gold rays stretched across the screen and i understood they were showing me the spirit of my unborn child. your child carries the spirit of native american and chinese railroad workers who once lived here in northern california—they continued. at this point— my mind and heart exploded for myself all at once. i wasn’t prepared for this golden twist.
i had gotten used to the darkness of the tunnel. i had spent the last year holding my second-born baby while weeping for her big sister. i had spent the last year carrying a deep wound of failure as a mother. i did not feel worthy of having another child. i felt severed and incapable. i felt ineffectual and undeserving of carrying another soul into existence. as grandmother aya shone the brightness of the sun-rays, my to-be-son’s rays upon me— the intensity of the light and love enveloped the wound.
i didn’t purge that night. they told me that i had purged enough— i agreed. they told me i didn’t have to take aya again— i felt that was a fair call.
in the early morning when i was lucid enough to hear external sounds, i could hear the sounds of purging all around at me. at one point, i looked over at a dude sitting at my nine o’clock vomiting his life (or lives) away. they told me it was a re-birth (the same kinda deal woman can be dealt in pregnancy with morning sickness) and the purge was necessary for him to be born again with a newer, wider lens on life. as he filled his bucket, i was captivated and impressed by his commitment to the upheaval. when he came up for air, i caught his eye and exclaimed aloud, “that was awesome!” he modestly replied “thanks” with a little smile.
as morning dawned upon us, the little group moved in out and lucidity, much like babies having nap-time. the medicina’s watched over us new-borns while we rested our weary woke heads and passed around plates of fresh fruit. the ceremonial stick was passed around to officially close the circle and everyone again had a moment to share their aya adventure and adversity. the sitters all spoke openly touching on all traumas in human existence— grief, suffering, shame, abuse, darkness, depression and despair.
as the stick came around to me, i heard kawa’s voice loud and clear inside my head, of what she wanted me to say. i cleared my throat. “um, so i’ve been told to say this— from my angel daughter”. i paused for a moment before opening my mouth to sing in a very sing song-y way— what kawa used to make us sing, while holding hands, before we had a meal together—
thank you for the food that we eat yum-yum,
thank you for every-one.
thank you every-one.
thank you for being here :)
big love
d xx
This was profound to read. Your book will find a publisher. Bless Kawa 🌈
Such a moving read, Dee! I'm in tears. Thanks so much for sharing! ❤️