what do you do after a car crash? for first timers & old timers

issue 90 ♡ contemplation and breath is key to resolve or dissolve any matters or shadows at hand.

what the f**k do you do when you’re in a car crash for first timers & old timers. words & pics by dee kawai tang.

how do you resolve conflict/collisions?

whaddya do when you're in a (minor car) accident?

dearest readers,

i’ve been contemplating conflict of late— within the family structure, with friendships or businesses that break down with conflict and with strangers we encounter in our everyday. in part I i share my recent car accidents from my earth bound perspective and in part II i share the meditation notes i received from my higher self and guides on conflict from a spiritual lens.

this weeks newsletter relates to previous posts issue #41 the one on friendships and issue #14 the one on creative dance floor. kindly note any reference to god or heaven can be replaced with a venerable or vernacular that you prefer.

part i.

i’ve been in two car accidents the last month. ironically (or karmically) i had just told my kids that i had never been in a car accident. the first incident— i was turning right out of a parking spot and the dude behind me didn’t see me and i didn’t see him. he smashed into my drivers door. he got out of his honda sedan, yelling and cursing and throwing his arms in the air.

a little voice came into my head — stay calm and everything will be ok. i turned to my children, age 5 and 9 — checked they were ok then told them to stay put while i was getting out to talk to the man. they nodded.

i quickly googled “what to do in a (minor) car accident in australia”. the man who crashed into me was still yelling and pacing around, telling me to call the cops. google advised:

take pictures of the damage.

swap contact phone number.

swap drivers licence.

swap registration plates.

call your insurance.

i expressed this to him. he fumbled with his wallet and handed me his licence. i looked at his birth date. it stated 1945. he was 80 years old. i looked at his name. it was of italian ancestry. i noticed his hands were shaking. it hit me. he was like my dad— an older, ethnic grandfather who didn’t know what to do or how to use his phone properly and his anger was fuelled by fear and uncertainty.

i knew then how to manage the situation— much like when my 71 year old dad asks me to read his letters and translate them to him in cantonese— or configure an app on his phone. i asked him— can i take your phone and take the pictures for you? he agreed. i said— is it ok if i put my phone number and details in here? he agreed. i did the necessary exchange with technology. he still looked unsure and pulled out a piece of paper and pen. so i write down my details again on the note and handed it back.

there was a picture on his phone of himself in the background with a slightly younger looking woman. i assumed it was his wife. i enquired— is that your wife? he nodded. i directed— ok, when you get home, ask your wife to call your insurance and give them my details. it’s on your phone and also written on the note here. i pointed. he nodded.

we looked at each other. it was the first time he looked at me in the eyes, in the last twenty minutes or so. his arm reached out to pat me on the arm, while my opposing arm came out and patted him too. “ok ok, everybody is ok” he looked over to where my kids were in the car. “yes, we’re ok. everyone is ok — i echoed. take care. we parted ways.

the second crash occurred a few days after i got our car back from the panel beaters. i parked the car with its fresh right side outside the footy oval to go out for a school dinner. when i got back, there was a couple of young peeps hanging around the car. i approached gingerly. one of the dudes spoke up, “omg. i’m so sorry my friend hit your car!” the other one piped up, “we’re so sorry!”. in the darkness, it materialised that the entire passenger door and panel were smashed in and the sideview mirror askew. it was exactly the same spot as the previous accident but on the left side.

i looked up to the dark sky, as if to see if someone upstairs was playing a trick on me. i blew out a big breath. it was late. i wanted to get home to my kids. lucky, i was an old hand at this ‘minor accident scenario’ now— so i stepped into action.

“ok, where’s your friend?” i enquired. “she’s in the car” they said, gesturing to the culprit land cruiser parked next to me. she got out of the car, crying. i checked, “are you ok?”. she nodded while wiping away tears apologetically— “i’m so sorry, we will get this fixed. i was just calling my mum”. i took another big breath and sighed— “you know what. this really sucks— but (sh)it happens”.

i let her know what we needed to do. she nodded and passed me her license. it stated her birth year as 2006. she was 17 years old. i looked up to note the P (probationary) plates which presumably meant she was in her first months of driving. we did the necessary exchange. ok, take care— i said. we waved goodbye.

what the f**k do you do in a minor car accident (ammended)

take a few deep breaths.

stay calm before exiting or approaching the car

ask if everyone involved is ok/safe.

exchange details (as above)

say goodbye / take care.

part 2.

contemplation and breath is key to resolve or dissolve any matters or shadows at hand. the act of contemplation is holding space or clearing space in the clutter of your physical mind and making a little gap of newness or something or an idea to emerge. the act of regular contemplation and conscious breath can and will lead to re-solvement or dissolving of the built up matter that demands attention or karma even.

we are made up of our physical body and our karmic body which combine to make our lives work here on earth. the karmic lessons unfolds as we age through the space time continuum while the karmic body can live on for several or even millennia of lifetimes. it all depends on how we respond to the issue or situation at hand, in the very present. when a situation-ship occurs or a karmic lesson, there is a chance to evolve and ascend and to truly learn our soul intended lesson.

if we approached each conflict with a degree of co-operation or compassion or even could look forward to the event, then there could be less drama and deceit and deception playing out on the stage we call life. approaching a so-called difficult person or dilemma is an opportunity to grow and gain perspective truly tuning into this opportunistic situation will benefit your growth and other souls involved.

after all, the lessons are delivered in scenarios or scenes so that there is always one who holds the larger lesson pie and the other who holds the slightly smaller pie, that is being served to both albeit one piece of the pie could be a grander lesson for consumption and for the other you may have chosen to be a secondary soul to assist in playing out this scene or set-up as a learning or teaching/guiding experience.

occasionally there is a dis-balance in soul evolution so that the ‘teacher’ pie/role has a chance to foster compassion and grace and love and repenting empathy to the other while the ‘student’ in turn is learning and untying a large karmic knot under the school of soul lessons. how drama or the scene plays out, depends highly on how the ‘teacher’ can pull the strings and can gently tug the marionettes into a flowing conversation rather than letting go of the reigns and leading to conflict.

either way, whatever results is a test-ament to the willingness to truly listen, but with discernment and the ability not just to speak one’s truth, but acceptance that that is their truth and despite what you feel or understand the situation to be, you for-give them and for-get that there was any need to tie a knot in the first place.

once you tie that knot, you are bound in a karmic contract— so be conscious of how you treat others in conflict and do your best to not avoid it but in allowing sh** to be, when there truly is no cause for concern in playing out the dramatic scene. perhaps it’s irrelevant and could be cut from the film itself as it serves no point in telling the story. trust and dee-cipher what does require attention and let go of playing out scenes which actually warrant no action with ‘action!”

love d xx

aka woo-tang :)